Where we meet: Hope and Relationships

Through my therapeutic work and personal observations, one recurring theme I find essential in any relationship is the quality of listening. Do we listen simply to react, or do we truly listen to understand? There is quiet strength in being heard and in holding space for one another without the need to always respond. In sessions, we often return to this idea not to arrive at right or wrong answers, but to understand how we want to shape our relationships. A common question that emerges is how we tend to view relationships themselves. Are we constantly chasing a “10/10” ideal? Or are we aiming for something more sustainable maybe a “good enough” relationship, where imperfections are accepted and worked through with care? The focus, often, is not on a perfect connection but on an intentional one.

When we talk about relationships whether romantic, familial, or any other type of relationship some principles can go a long way. One such idea is to “pick your battles.” Not every disagreement requires the same intensity. Some issues need in-depth conversations, while others are better addressed with a lighter tone. I often say in sessions that a sense of humour can make all the difference. Not every conversation has to become a crisis, but at the same time, not everything should be swept under the rug. It’s a delicate balance.

Conflicts, of course, are inevitable. But what matters more is how we repair after them. As John Gottman suggests, the ability to repair a relationship is more crucial than the absence of conflict itself. I recall a couple in therapy who were struggling to make a major life decision and couldn’t seem to agree. As the tension escalated and one partner withdrew in silence, the other gently smiled and said, “You know, my day doesn’t start without your good morning text even when we’re fighting.” That moment was soft, vulnerable, and disarming. It was a beautiful example of repair in action.

I’m reminded of another moment during a family gathering, where we were discussing love languages. A relative shared his perspective he said, “It’s not about saying ‘I love you’ every day. Some days you say it and mean it, other days it’s just habit. For me, love is taking care of my wife, talking to her, being present.” That, too, is love which is quiet, consistent, and grounded in action.

Another aspect I often highlight in both sessions and life is the importance of freedom in relationships whether romantic or familial. Without space for individuality, even the most loving relationship can start to feel heavy. When we don’t allow room for independence, people are unable to experience consequences, make decisions, or grow in accountability. Freedom fosters responsibility. It teaches us how to relate to one another as whole, separate people and not just as extensions of each other. When we talk about individuality, we also acknowledge the importance of constantly replenishing ourselves whether it's mentally or emotionally, so that we can show up in our relationships in whatever capacity required. It’s never truly a 50-50 equation or a perfect balance. Instead, it’s about two individuals doing their inner work and choosing to meet each other where they are, with awareness, effort, and care. Ultimately, a relationship is not built on keeping score, but on the willingness to keep showing up with what we can offer, as we grow both individually and together.